The Perils of Matchmaking
by bellakitse
Summary: He was trying to help and now he was going to die for it. *PuckRachel Drabble meme*


Title: The Perils of Matchmaking

Category: Glee

Ship: Rachel/Puck, hint of Sam/Kurt

Genre: Romance/Humor

Word Counts: 2507

Summary: He was trying to _help _and now he was going to die for it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its characters.

**Warning:** **There are hints of same sex relationships, if that bothers you, turn away now.**

PuckRachel Drabble meme: "_He's like a large angry animal_!" -Tokawaii

xxx

Sam Evans let out a shaky _'not scared' _breath as he stared at the angry and slightly homicidal eyes of one Noah Puckerman. There was a crowd around them waiting to see if the exchange of words and threats that had started moments ago was going to escalate to a physical confrontation. Although he was not one to back down from a fight, he hoped like hell he didn't have to, Puck had more than a few pounds of muscles on him and a rage that made him seem rabid right now.

"He's like a large angry animal!" He heard a girl in the crowd whisper in awe.

Looking at Puck, Sam couldn't help but agree. Help! To think that was what had started this in the first place. He was trying to _help _and now he was going to die for it.

**Few days earlier….**

"Look at them, flirt, flirt, sexual tension, ugh!" Kurt whispered to Mercedes and Brittany, looking at the couple a few feet away from them on the stage of the auditorium. "They are driving me crazy!"

Mercedes shook her head at her dramatic friend. "Relax, Kurt."

Kurt glared at his friend. "Tell me I'm wrong. Britt, what do you think?"

The pretty blonde nodded as she watched Puck whisper something to Rachel that caused her to wrinkle her nose and slap his chest but laugh anyway. "Puckleberry totally needs a comeback, they both want it."

"Who wants what, Britt?" Santana asked, joining her along with Quinn.

"Puck and Rachel," Brittany answered the Latina with a smile as the girl placed her arm over her shoulder. "They need to get on it."

"Puckerman and man-hands?" Santana questioned her girlfriend with a sour face.

"They're hot together!" Brittany defended, a sly smile on her face as she placed a soft kiss at the corner of Santana's mouth, enjoying the shuttered breath the girl let out. "They make me hot."

Santana smirked as she pulled Brittany closer. "Why didn't you say so in the first place? I'm for it then."

Brittany simply smiled.

"Wait," Quinn interrupted. "Brittany says 'let's go Puck and Rachel' and you say sure?"

Santana shrugged. "Hey, anything that gets my girl going is something I stand behind."

"Besides," Santana said, nodding towards the pair who was sitting next to each other at the edge of the stage. "Look at them. Puckerman is all into crazy's Kool-Aid and she's into his. Berry and I aren't BFF and we'll likely never be, but Puck is my boy and if he wants in Berry's granny panties, more power to him."

"That was almost nice, San," Kurt said with a surprised laugh while Mercedes and Quinn nodded wide-eyed. "Good job."

Santana shrugged again. "Being _'Lebanese'_ has softened me I think."

"We should help them!" Brittany interrupted.

"Ahh... Britt, I wouldn't go that far." Santana said, unsure.

Quinn snorted while Kurt lit up at the idea and Mercedes observed the couple who had moved on from talking to now singing softly as Puck played his guitar. Anyone who looked at them could see that they were lost in their own little world.

"Please!" Kurt and Brittany said together.

"It makes me hot!" Brittany repeated.

"They are driving me crazy! The unresolved sexual tension is too much." Kurt continued.

Santana looked at Mercedes and Quinn, the latter looked uninterested either way. "Mercedes?"

Mercedes remained quiet for a moment before answering. "Rachel and I haven't always gotten along but she's my girl now, and it took some time but she's finally over Hudson the douche…"

"Hey!"

Mercedes balanced Quinn with a look. "He's great to you and with you, Quinn, but Finn was a dick to Rachel and she deserves better than what he ever gave her. Anyway, Puckerman, for all his gruff, is actually really good with Rachel, he knows how to deal with her…"

"…Crazy." Santana supplied.

"Yes," Mercedes continued. "And he seems to dig it too, I'm in."

"Yay!" Kurt clapped as he, Mercedes and Brittany looked at Santana and Quinn.

"I don't care either way," Quinn said with a touch of boredom in her voice. "But if it moves them from the love-sick gaze stage they are at now, then okay."

"San?" Brittany asked, giving the girl a teasing pout.

"Sexual favors in return, Britt." Santana answered seriously.

Brittany lit up. "Double yay, Puckleberry and lady kisses!"

"Geez," Quinn rolled her eyes, still her lips curled at the corners.

"So, what do we do?" Mercedes whispered.

"Usually we wouldn't have to do anything. Puck would just go after her." Kurt said thoughtfully. "But he's oddly gun-shy this time around."

"He's worried she's still into Hudson." Santana answered, knowing her friend. "He's giving her the time he thinks she needs."

"So, we need to get him to realize that time is up." Quinn continued, still surprising the others at her willingness to help.

"Mark his territory!" Santana exclaimed, the words echoing in the empty auditorium.

"Shhh!" Mercedes and Kurt hissed, flashing fake smiles over to Puck and Rachel who looked at them like they were strange before going back to their own conversation.

"You want Puck to pee on Rachel?" Brittany asked, confused. Once they made sure no one was paying attention to them, "I don't think Rachel would like that."

Kurt snorted indelicately. "No, but watching her reaction might be worth it."

Santana gave them a sly grin. "Berry has to have some kink if Puck is so into her, but I doubt water sports are one of them."

"Yuck!" Mercedes gagged, Quinn nodding in agreement.

"I'm just _sayin_," Santana laughed.

"Well, don't." Quinn soured. "None of us need those images in our heads, so no pissing mark of territory… what do you have in mind?"

"Wellll…"

xxx

When approached by two ex-girlfriends with matching smirks, _run_. Sam Evans now knew that.

Santana and Quinn cornered him walking out of the locker room and dragged him to the music room where their three other cohorts waited, all giving him smiles that reminded him of the joker. Where was Batman when you needed him?

"We want you to hit on Berry." Santana spoke in her no-nonsense voice. A demand if he ever heard one.

Sam looked at each member of Glee present—they weren't smiling anymore, they all had serious looks set on him. "Uh…" He swallowed. "Why?"

"Because Puckerman has a major hard on for the midget but is too chicken shit to do anything about it," Santana continued. "You are going to be the push to get him going."

Still lost, he just asked again. "Why me?"

Quinn took over the explanation, placing a hand on his arm. "Because who else? It can't be Finn, we're back together and there has been enough drama in the Puck-Rachel-Finn-Me quad, so we are keeping him far away from this project, Mike is with Tina, Artie and Puck are boys plus Puck would never beat up at a kid in a wheel chair for moving in on his girl."

"You want him to hit me?" Sam squeaked.

"No, no, no." Kurt soothed, taking his other arm, smiling brightly at him, looking slightly crazed. "We want him to _want_ to hit you because he can't _bear _the idea of you taking his lady love!"

"That doesn't sound any better, Kurt." Sam answered, only to have Kurt answer with trembling lips and watery eyes.

"It has to be done!" Kurt exclaimed, tears running down his porcelain face. "Their tension is making us lose our minds."

"Clearly!" Sam stated, letting out an '_oof_' as Kurt threw himself onto his chest, griping his plaid shirt.

"You have to do this, Sam, for us, for them, for Glee Club, for true love!" Kurt continued. "Think about it… she is _insane_, and he is a _brut_ half the time, they are the _only ones_ who can deal with each other. They are soul mates!"

"Lobsters!" Brittany chirped in, throwing her arms in the air.

Sam looked at the faces around him: Santana's narrowed eyes, Mercedes and Quinn staring him down, Brittany's cheery face and then down to Kurt's that was inches away from his. He thought for a moment what a pretty face his friend had. He let out a small shuttered breath as Kurt let out a small gasp when he circled his wrists and pulled him on his shirt softly.

Defeated, Sam answered. "What do you want me to do?"

His question was met with squeals from the girls and an arm full of Kurt as the smaller boy bounce into his arms, hugging him.

"Yay!" Kurt clapped as he backed away, wiping the tears off his cheeks.

"Yeah, yeah," Sam murmured with a slight smile. "Don't think those crocodiles tears worked, Hummel, you're not that good an actor."

"Blasphemy!" Kurt gasped.

"Whatever, let's just hope Puck doesn't hit me in the face."

xxx

"Not the face!" He screamed as Puck advanced at him.

"Noah!" Screamed a voice behind Puck and they, along with the crowd, froze. "What do you think you are doing to poor Sam?"

Sam had never been happier to hear a voice and, in that moment, truly thought that Rachel had the most beautiful voice in the world. It just saved his life.

"I was about to hit him." Puck answered, giving him a glare.

"Why?" Rachel shrilled as she now stood between them, her hands on her hips.

Sam looked around them. More people had gathered, everybody pulled out their phones to text and record the moment. His ass-kicking was going to end up on _YouTube_, he just knew it. Behind the crowd he saw the five who started this and who were responsible for his current fate. His jaw dropped as Kurt gave him a bright smile and two thumbs up. If he would make it out of this, he was going to kill the little dude for this, that is, if his stomach would stop clenching and unclenching at the sight of his smile. What the hell was going on with him?

"WHY!" Puck shouted, forgetting that there are people around them. "Because he's been hitting on you like it's going out of style for over a week: 'Oh, Rachel, you're so great', 'You sure have a great voice', 'You look so nice', 'Your eyes are such a pretty shade of brown'. _Please, _he's so full of it!"

"Oh!" Rachel cried out. "So, its crap for someone to think those things about me, it's so impossible?"

Puck proved to him in that moment how much of a badass he really was when he just rolled his eyes at her tone, which was frankly scaring the crap out of him, much more then the idea of Puck's fist in his face.

"Those things aren't crap. They are true, your eyes are an awesome brown, like warm chocolate. You always look great, you're fucking beautiful. The voice thing is just redundant, deaf people know you have a set of pipes. It's him saying it that is crap… he's up to something." Puck argued, giving him a mean stare. "But it's not going to happen, so don't even think about it, Evans."

"What?" Rachel asked, catching her breath at the wonderful things Puck said so easily about her and in public, no less, but still annoyed at his attitude. "What is he trying to do?"

"He's trying to get with you," Puck growled. "But that's not going to happen, I had to wait through Finn, that douche. I'm not going to wait through Evans, too. If anyone is going to date you, it's going to be me, Rachel. It's going to be _me_."

Sam nodded quickly. "That's what we want!" He rushed out.

"What?" Rachel and Puck both asked, Rachel's eyes watery as she looked at Puck.

Sam looked over to where Kurt, Santana, Brittany, Quinn and Mercedes still watched, all grinning. "A little help?" He called over, relieved as they started to make their way over to them, the crowd parting to let them through.

"Finally!" Kurt gushed as he reached them first and looked up at Sam. "See, told you he wouldn't get to hit you!"

Sam huffed as he leaned down his face inches away from Kurt's face. "You owe me so big, Hummel, I will collect."

"I'm…" Kurt licked his lips nervously. "Sure, we could come up with something."

"Someone wants to explain?" Puck interrupted. "Or are you guys going to spend your time eye-fucking?"

Sam blushed as did Kurt but Kurt gave Puck a haughty look, while Rachel slapped his stomach in reproach. "Vulgar as always, Puckerman, and to think we are helping you."

"Helping with what?" Puck asked, annoyed.

"To get the girl!" Kurt smiled.

"Puckleberry, so hot!" Brittany said happily.

"We knew you wanted crazy here, Puck," Santana explained. "It was all over your sorry face, we decided to give you a friendly shove."

"Sam hitting on Rachel…."

"Until it made you so crazy it forced you to act." Quinn smirked, spreading her arms around to show that people where still around enjoying the show.

"You were so easy, white boy." Mercedes grinned.

"So, Sam doesn't want Rachel?" Puck asked, looking at the blond boy.

Sam looked at Rachel with a small smile. "You're great, Rach, and I meant everything I said but I don't think we are each other's type."

Rachel laughed softly, nodding, casting Kurt a quick look, raising an eyebrow at the way he stared at Sam. "It seems that way, doesn't it?"

"Somehow I think you'll survive," Sam teased, twitching his head at Puck.

Rachel breathed audibly and looked at Puck, his gaze already on her. "You think I'm beautiful?"

Puck nodded jerkily. "Yes."

"And you like my eyes?" Rachel smiled, taking a step closer to him.

"I could look at them all day," Puck whispered as she pulled his head down to her, very close.

"And my lips?" She whispered as she brushed her lips against his, letting out a squeak as he hauled her up and kissed her deep and long, the sound of the glees cheering and the crowd breaking up and going their way in the background.

xxx

Sam watched from a distance as Puck leaned on his side against the locker next to Rachel whispering something in her ear that had him smiling. He watched as the petite girl threw her head back, laughing before pulling the Mohawk boy into a soft kiss, only broken when the boy pulled her close and pressed a kiss against her hair.

"We did good! They look great together…happy."

Sam turned to see Kurt leaning against the locker next to his like Puck had been seconds ago.

"You were right, those two are crazy enough to only make sense with each other," he answered, getting a laugh out of Kurt. "But you still owe me."

Kurt grinned, nodding. "Yeah."

"Yeah," Sam said quietly. "Breadstix this weekend?"

Kurt gave him a wide eye look a small smile on his lips. "Yeah?"

Sam shrugged. "Yeah."

FIN


End file.
